Metamour Day: Celebrating Relational Ecosystems of Care

Metamour Day is Friday, February 28th! Plus: An update about our metamour book club!

Summer 2024. A rare moment of enjoying the company of my two fabulous metamours, Bexx and Salina, in the same room.

At a time when key cultural and diversity events like Pride Month, Black History Month, and Indigenous People’s Month are being quietly erased from Google Calendars, here’s a holiday that might not even be on your radar: Metamour Day (February 28th).

First recognized in 2019 by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF), Metamour Day celebrates the relationships we share with our partners’ partners—connections that range from deep friendship to respectful distance. It’s a reminder that love exists in ecosystems, not silos, and that the way we relate to one another shapes our broader communities.

It’s hard to ignore the political backdrop against which this day now exists. Google’s recent calendar omissions aren’t just a glitch; they reflect a larger shift in corporate priorities, particularly within tech. As platforms like Meta and Google deprioritize diversity efforts, suppress fact-checking, and edge closer to right-wing interests, it raises the question: Who benefits from erasing these markers of communal history and identity? In a world where non-monogamous relationships are still marginalized, it’s unsurprising that a day celebrating metamour bonds hasn’t made it into mainstream visibility.

And yet, as America careens toward authoritarianism, mainstream culture stands to benefit from embracing the core philosophies of non-monogamy—collaboration, vulnerable communication, and nurturing relational ecosystems of care—which not only foster shared moments of compassion and camaraderie but also pave the way for reimagining our social bonds; by building networks that challenge isolation and hierarchy, these principles offer a counter-narrative to divisive power structures, ultimately reinforcing our collective resilience and inspiring a more inclusive, empathetic society.

Art by Anna D. Hirsch. Send your metas one of these cute postcards!

Gratitude for My Metamours

Growing up as the only girl with two brothers, I never imagined I’d later experience something like sisterhood through non-monogamy. But the truth is, there’s a kindred intimacy that sometimes develops in metamour connections—one that mainstream culture offers no script for.

In this season of my life, I’m grateful for two incredible metamours who I adore: Bexx, my nesting partner Skye’s other partner (I wrote about our first polyamorous Christmas back in December), and Salina, my sweetie Justin’s wife (who you may know from our book club video series). In monogamous frameworks, these women would be framed as my competition, even my enemies. But nothing could be further from reality.

Instead, we share something rare and radical. We text each other for support when one of us is struggling, celebrate each other’s wins, and sometimes, we just sit in the tenderness of knowing what it means to care about the same person.

Polyamory isn’t just about expanding who we can love romantically—it’s about expanding how we love, period. It’s a quiet revolution against the idea that love is a zero-sum game, that security is found in exclusion, that the only way to be safe is to control. In monogamy, we’re told that a new connection is a threat that takes something away from us. But in this alternative world we've chosen to consciously inhabit, a new love means more love—more connection, more insight, more support, more care.

In an increasingly hostile, war-driven, violence-plagued world, polyamory is proof that peace is possible when we lead with love in the places we've been told we should compete.

Composting Competition Book Club Update

Here’s the update I’ve been wanting to share with you:

My metamour Salina and I spent several months of 2024 deeply engaged in our book club project, Composting Competition & Cultivating Compersion, exploring our personal experiences and learnings from our shared polyamorous ecosystem.

For now, we’re pressing pause on this series as Salina’s father recently passed away. She is resting, grieving, and allowing herself the time and space to be with what’s arising.

I’m incredibly proud of what we created together—vulnerably diving into compersion, relational shifts, and emotional resilience. I hope you’ll go watch all 8 episodes if you haven’t already!

This has been a fruitful project for both of us, and we’re so grateful to Marie Thouin for creating this beautiful book which allowed us the opportunity for rich dialogues, both publicly and privately. Our work stands as a testament to rewriting the scripts that tell us we should see each other as rivals. Mainstream culture insists that metamours are meant to be enemies—but we know there’s another way.

If you’ve appreciated this free labor of love—more than eight hours of heartfelt, soul-baring content—consider sending a tip via Venmo. Let’s buy this sweet lady some flowers and a well-deserved spa day. 💐💆‍♀️

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Trying to figure out how closely to connect with your metas this Metamour Day?

Use this tool and experiment with what you discover:

Work with me: I help individuals, couples and polycules develop the essential tools, skills and frameworks to practice non-monogamy and polyamory with more confidence and capacity. If you need more support, explore working together. The spring cohort of my group coaching program, Nourishing Non-Monogamy, reopens March 12th and seats are limited. If you’re looking for more support with your relationships, let’s chat:

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