4 Takeaways from 2024: Lessons in Patience, Presence and the Pacing of Polyamorous Love
Plus a free bonus journaling workbook to reflect and clarify relationship goals for 2025!
Greetings and happy holidays to my fellow intentional relationship explorers!
I’m closing out the year under blankets trying to rest and reflect on all that’s evolved and transformed in the last year. My word for 2024 was “consistency;” I sent this weekly Substack Tuesday newsletter every single week since launching at the beginning of the year. Thank you for being here with me; it’s an honor to be in your inbox and I’d love to hear from you — send me a quick message and let me know: What do you want to read more about in 2024? I love the opportunity to give solicited advice!
Last Sunday we wrapped the fall/winter cohort of Nourishing Non-Monogamy. I’m integrating and reviewing the feedback as it rolls in as I prep to launch the next cohort (Save the date: the Spring 2025 online group experience starts Sunday March 9th!)
One participant shares: “I didn’t know what to expect taking this class, but I’m so glad I did! Aria Diana brings so much wisdom to the group as she covers the emotional aspects as well as some really practical aspects of being in a non-monogamous relationship. I really appreciated some basic tools that she shared with the class that you can use to implement immediately. It was also a really wonderful group of people to connect with on a weekly basis about a topic that isn’t widely discussed. After the class I feel more in touch with myself and my desires, as well as equipped with some practical tools for navigating relationships.”
I’m honored to create cathartic group learning and healing experiences that I myself would have loved when I first started exploring non-monogamy in New York City in 2013. There’s no way I would have predicted back then that today I would be practicing increasingly expansive realms of kitchen table polyamory; I guess that’s what happen when you choose a relationship structure that centers growth over comfort—things continue to evolve in unexpected ways.
How good are you with change? Non-monogamy is not for the faint of heart! We must learn to embrace and welcome transformation as part of this relationship paradigm.
This past year has been transformative for me personally, and I’ve been reflecting on the moments and the lessons with challenging invitations to practice what I preach! 2024 brought a mix of joy, growth, and unexpected challenges, inviting me to expand my capacity to embrace discomfort and navigate the unknown.
To help you on your own journey of relational reflection and growth, I’ve created a free workbook (below) filled with prompts designed to help you create more intentional relationships in 2025.
But first, here are four takeaways from my personal 2024 non-monogamous journey that I’m carrying with me into the next chapter:
1. There is Abundance in Celebration & Connection
This year, I celebrated my first truly polyamorous Christmas with my metamour Bexx and my nesting partner, Skye. On Christmas Eve, the three of us shared Chinese takeout, savoring the simplicity of good food and good company. The next morning, we hosted a mimosa and Kringle-filled brunch with my cousin and another close friend. Though it was a sunny California day, we set the mood with a projector playing Christmas Jazz Instrumental Music & Fireplace Crackling Sounds to Unwind. The cozy atmosphere brought a touch of hygge, transporting us back to the winters we’d known in NYC.
On Christmas evening, we headed to San Francisco for dinner with Bexx’s mother, who had flown in from Utah. She was eager to finally meet Skye after hearing so much about them over the past year. Being included and warmly welcomed by a parent as part of our polyamorous dynamic was profoundly healing. It offered a corrective experience that gently soothed the wounds left by the rejection I’ve faced from other parents who struggle to hold space for this part of my identity.
For Skye and me, this season felt particularly special. We haven’t celebrated Christmas in a traditional sense for years. The mainstream stories of Santa and the wasteful commercialism of the season don’t resonate with me. Instead, I’m drawn to quieter rituals that align with the Winter Solstice—moments of slowness, introspection, and connection to nature. One cherished West Coast tradition is foraging for mushrooms with my brother in the Oregon wilderness. There’s something wildly satisfying about discovering a golden chanterelle, or what I call “forest gold.” ✨
Back in the Bay Area, Bexx brought a fresh spark of holiday cheer to our lives. Her energy transformed the season into something abundant and meaningful, reminding me how love and care can breathe new life into old traditions.
The holidays were steeped in abundance, including matching robes, pajamas, and slippers that Bexx gifted the three of us. But the true gifts lay in the love and intention we shared. Having more people who genuinely care for me and Skye isn’t just a bonus—it’s a profound blessing. These moments reaffirmed that love is not a finite resource; it expands and deepens with every meaningful connection.
This season, I also realized how naturally kitchen table polyamory resonates with me. Sharing meals, stories, and laughter in a spirit of openness and mutual care felt deeply aligned with the kind of abundant, interconnected relationships I value most.
2. Patiently Allow Relationships to Move at Their Own Pace
One of the deepest lessons I leaned into this year was the practice of non-attachment—after 20+ years of monogamous conditioning in my formative years, I’m still working to release my grip on how things should be and rest instead in the truth of what is. In my relationships, this has meant softening my attachment not only to the outcomes I envision but also to the pace at which connection unfolds. So often, we tether ourselves to the relationship escalator, a cultural script that prescribes where relationships “should” go and how quickly they should get there. Clinging to these expectations tightens the mind and heart, pulling us away from the present moment and the unique rhythm of each relationship.
The longing for what could be often robs us of the beauty of what is.
Patience, I’ve come to see, is not passive—it’s an active expression of trust. Trust in myself, in my relationships, and in the natural unfolding of life. It reminds us that relationships are not possessions but living, breathing exchanges of care, shaped moment by moment. Non-monogamy can invite so much more creativity and intentionality and freedom in designing relationships that honor our unique needs and desires. When we let go of the illusion of control and the shape we’re taught relationships are supposed to take, we allow love to emerge not as something to grasp, but as something we continually co-create.
3. Fact-Check Your Projections to Build Authentic Connection
Non-monogamy invites us to step off the relationship escalator and into a realm where we write our own scripts. This freedom, while liberating, makes clear communication even more vital to avoid mismatched meanings and the confusion or hurt they can create. For one person, moving in together might symbolize a deep romantic commitment, while for another, it could be a purely practical, economic choice. Without understanding the meaning our actions carry for others, we risk losing the connection we’re trying to nurture.
This year taught me to pause and examine the stories I tell myself about others. So many moments of anxiety or frustration weren’t rooted in reality but in the narratives I created in my own mind. Whenever I catch myself spinning a story about what someone might be thinking or feeling, I’m learning to ask: What part of this is actually true? What else might also be true?
Instead of building walls based on assumptions, I’m practicing curiosity and vulnerability. Asking questions like, “You said ___, and I’m wondering if that means ___. Can we talk about it?” opens the door to deeper understanding and connection. These moments of reaching out for clarity become opportunities to replace projections with truth.
I’ve also let go of the idea that seeking reassurance is a sign of weakness. Initially, it felt uncomfortable for me to ask for clarity or affirmation in new or evolving relationships. Now, I see these check-ins about meaning and intention as acts of care—for myself and for the people I’m relating to. Reassurance isn’t just about soothing discomfort; it’s a way to build trust, navigate the complex web of meanings we bring to relationships, and strengthen the bond we share. Whether it’s through a quick text or a heartfelt conversation, these intentional efforts to fact-check my projections create a foundation of safety and intimacy (which not surprisingly make for much more sustainable relationship scaffolding than false assumptions).
4. Conflict Can Be Generative
Conflict is often been framed as something to avoid, especially in relationships, but this year, I’ve come to appreciate how it can be a generative force when approached with care and intention. Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and emotional triggers are inevitable in relational dynamics, but they can also serve as opportunities for growth, deeper intimacy, and more nuanced understanding. I’m still learning that conflict doesn’t have to equal the end of relationships; on my non-monogamous journey I haven’t found too many people who are willing to work through the often very complex and messy discomfort of relationship ruptures and repair when there are more than two people involved.
For instance, I made a misstep this year by sharing emotionally charged content with a metamour via text. In hindsight, I can see how the timing, medium, and lack of consent made my message feel overwhelming and poorly received. Initially, the fallout felt discouraging, but working through the misunderstanding with intentionality led to a more profound connection. By staying present, taking accountability, and co-creating better communication practices, we clarified how to better support each other moving forward.
Generative conflict requires space and care. Ideally, these conversations happen in person, in a calm environment where everyone consents to engage. Setting boundaries, like using a timer to keep the discussion contained, can help maintain focus and respect for everyone’s energy. Emotional processing is labor—it takes effort and vulnerability—but the outcomes can be transformative. When we approach conflict as an opportunity rather than a threat, we strengthen the bonds within our relational networks, creating space for respect, mutual understanding, and clarity.
Abundance Over Scarcity
If I had to sum up 2024 in one word, it would be abundance. From the expanded love and care and support in my relationships to the lessons that stretched my capacity for growth, this year was a reminder that scarcity is often a mindset. When I let go of fears about not being enough, not having enough, or not being loved enough, I found myself surrounded by more than I could have imagined.
Nowhere was this abundance more apparent than around my metaphorical kitchen table. The bonds I’ve nurtured through kitchen table polyamory—sharing laughter, meals, support, and mutual care with metamours and partners—showed me how deeply fulfilling this style of relating can be. It reminded me that love doesn’t just multiply; it weaves us into a resilient and interconnected tapestry of belonging, just like the mycelial network.
As I step into 2025, I’m holding these takeaways close. They’ve helped me grow into a version of myself that feels more aligned, more compassionate, and more present. Here’s to another year of learning, loving, and celebrating the abundance of connection. ✨
What non-monogamy relationship lessons are you taking into the new year?
Relationship Reset: Non-Monogamy Reflection Prompts Free Workbook
As we enter the new year, it’s a good time to reflect on what’s worked, what hasn’t, and where you want to go in your relationships. I created a free journaling workbook with prompts to help you reflect on 2024 and clarify your 2025 relationship goals for a more intentional, authentic approach.
Let’s thrive in 2025. Here’s to a very happy new year!