A Menu of Relationship Agreements for Newly Opened Marriages

With care for your partnership—and respect for everyone you connect with

Opening a marriage can feel like stepping into a whole new world—one filled with both possibility and uncertainty. Whether you’re exploring consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, or a “monogamish” arrangement, everyone benefits from clear, intentional agreements to help build trust, reduce friction, and support growth.

That said, it’s essential to open a relationship from a place of health, not rupture. Many couples first consider non-monogamy in the wake of infidelity, and while healing is absolutely possible, it’s crucial to process that pain before trying to build a new structure on top of the rubble. Agreements can’t be upheld if honesty, repair, and mutual understanding haven’t yet been restored at a foundational level. (For further reading on this topic, visit: Opening Up After Infidelity)

A client recently told me, “I just wish there was a menu of possible agreements that we could pick from or use to get us started.” So I created this article as a starting point to help newly non-monogamous couples approach agreements not as rigid rules, but as evolving conversations that serve their marriage—and the people they build relationships with.

Before we dive in, it’s important to name something that doesn’t get talked about enough: opening a marriage often introduces power dynamics—especially when one relationship is long-established and others are new or less entwined logistically. Without reflection, it’s easy to unintentionally treat new partners as add-ons to an existing relationship rather than full, complex people in their own right.

These example agreements are written with an eye toward supporting emotional safety in a primary partnership—but the intention is not to build protective walls around one couple at the expense of everyone else. Respect, consent, and consideration must extend to all people involved. This isn’t just about managing your own dynamic—it’s about creating a relational field where everyone feels valued, safe, and human.

Use this menu as a conversation starter. Let it inspire you, and adapt what resonates. For those practicing solo polyamory, relationship anarchy, or egalitarian structures, a different set of agreements might feel more aligned—and I may create a future version reflecting those frameworks too.

For now, here’s a sample menu of agreements—organized by category—to help couples build safety and clarity as their marriage evolves into a new non-monogamous structure.

Emotional & Mental

• We each name our emotional capacity before big or potentially tender conversations.

• We take space if either person feels flooded or overwhelmed.

• We have a 30-60 minute check in weekly to talk about how we’re doing emotionally and what support we need.

• We have a 90 minute monthly RADAR Check-in to assess the health of our relationship more holistically.

• We won’t compare the depth or feelings of one relationship to another—we honor each connection as unique and valuable in its own way.

• We each build and maintain support systems outside the relationship (therapist, coach, nonjudgmental friends, other open community).

Time

• We plan regular one-on-one quality time together (weekly or monthly).

• We give each other a heads-up before scheduling time with someone new.

• We maintain flexibility for emotional needs and unexpected shifts.

• We prioritize making time for shared friends and individual connections.

• We review our shared calendar weekly for balance and alignment—not just for us, but for others we’re in connection with.

• We agree to co-create space for rest and solo time, not just partner time.

Communication

• We ask each other if it’s a good time before diving into emotional or complex topics.

• We use a shared word or gesture to pause difficult conversations.

• We share about new romantic or sexual developments within 24–72 hours.

• We agree on how much detail to share—honor that each person may have different preferences about what they want to share and hear—and revisit preferences regularly.

• We vulnerably acknowledge and own our emotional experiences without blame.

• We reflect together quarterly on how our communication is working.

Physical Boundaries

• We clarify what kinds of affection with others feel okay in shared or public spaces.

• We won’t host others in shared spaces without prior discussion.

• We talk about how and when to introduce new partners to our home, friends, or family.

• We agree on boundaries around overnight guests and shared routines.

• We make space to renegotiate if comfort levels shift over time.

Sexual Agreements

• We create a shared safer sex protocol (e.g., testing frequency, barrier use, communication) and revisit it every 3–6 months.

• We check in with each other before being sexually active with someone new, and also consider how to communicate care with that new partner.

• We share STI testing updates transparently and proactively.

• We check in with each other before becoming sexually active with a new partner.

• We talk about what kind of sexual details we want—or don’t want—to know, and acknowledge that these preferences may evolve over time.

• We agree to share about sexual experiences only when it feels helpful or connecting.

• We honor and affirm our right to boundaries and privacy, even within open agreements.

Structure & Priority

• We recognize our marriage as a central relationship and will tend to it with intention—without treating other relationships as secondary or less worthy of respect.

• We co-make major life decisions (financial, logistical, familial) while also being transparent with others about our commitments and limitations.

• We revisit our relationship structure every 3–6 months to ensure it still aligns with what we want, need, and are capable of.

• We name when the current setup no longer fits and explore change collaboratively.

• We challenge scarcity mindsets and affirm that love is not a limited resource.

Jealousy

• We name jealousy without shame or blame, understanding it as a signal rather than a flaw.

• We co-create care plans to support ourselves and each other during emotionally charged moments.

• We validate each other’s emotional experience, even when we don’t share it.

• We explore the roots of jealousy and what unmet needs might be underneath.

• We offer proactive reassurance before and after before and after experiences that may feel vulnerable, like date nights or sleepovers with new connections.

• We stay committed to compassion—toward ourselves and each other.

Financial & Material

• We check in before spending more than $100 on another relationship or shared experience.

• We prioritize our shared household budget and revisit it together as needs evolve.

• We talk about how money intersects with our values, boundaries, and relationships.

• We discuss financial gifts, splitting costs, and shared experiences with other partners.

• We honor transparency and care—not control—as the foundation of our financial decisions.

Autonomy, Privacy & Social Life

• We each take regular solo time to recharge and stay connected to ourselves and our individual identities and communities.

• We define and respect each other’s digital privacy (texts, journals, DMs) unless explicitly invited to share.

• We talk about what feels okay to share publicly (like on social media) about our other relationships and get consent before posting about someone else.

• We co-create agreements around attending shared events with other partners.

• We leave room to adjust our needs around privacy as our connections evolve.

Metamour Dynamics

• We don’t expect friendship between metamours, but we commit to kindness and respect.

• If a connection becomes ongoing, we agree to meet each other’s partners in a low-pressure way.

• We won’t use each other to dump or process complaints about metamours unless explicitly requested—and commit to finding external outlets (friends, therapists, coaches) for more support when needed.

• We’re open to celebratory or collaborative connections with metamours, if mutual.

• We revisit metamour boundaries and desires regularly, especially when new dynamics emerge.

Remember: agreements are living documents. They’re meant to evolve with you, not lock you into something rigid. Revisit them regularly—especially during transitions, new relationships, or big emotional shifts.

The goal isn’t to control the future. It’s to build a foundation where mutual care, honest communication, and consent can thrive.

And perhaps most importantly: opening a marriage isn’t just about what happens within the primary couple. It’s about how we honor all the people we choose to relate with—not as placeholders, not as pressure valves, but as full, feeling humans worthy of care, clarity, and respect.

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Want conversation prompts to help you hone your own non-monogamous boundaries & agreements?

Get my guidebook, 100 Questions to Find and Create Healthy Non-Monogamous Boundaries & Agreements for deeper self-reflection:

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For further reading on marriage & non-monogamy:

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