When the Earth Burns: Navigating Collective Grief and Resilience in Times of Crisis
How ecological disruption impacts our nervous systems, attachment, and relationships—and the practices that can help us heal together.
In moments of environmental collapse, like the devastating wildfires blazing across California, we are reminded that life is anything but business as usual. Even for those not directly affected, the energy of crisis ripples outward, a subtle yet heavy weight on our collective nervous systems.
Many of my clients in the last few days have reported feeling more agitated, overwhelmed and irritable than usual. If that’s you, too, know that you’re not alone.
This shared unease, a quiet undercurrent of grief, fear and existential overwhelm, speaks to the deep interconnection we have with one another and with the planet itself. Considering Jessica Fern’s Nested Model of Attachment and Trauma in Polysecure, we can understand how disruptions in our relationship with the natural world ripple through our entire attachment system:
Mother Earth as Our Outermost Secure Base
Attachment theory teaches us about secure bases—sources of safety, stability, and emotional comfort in caregiving and romantic relationships—that support our ability to explore, connect, and grow. Fern’s framework extends this concept to include the Earth, placing it as the outermost layer of a nested system of relationships. When the Earth burns or falters, our foundation is shaken. This rupture reverberates through every layer of connection: our communities, our loved ones, and ultimately, ourselves.
Nature offers us more than beauty and resources to feed, house and clothe us; it co-regulates us, soothing our nervous systems through its rhythms and sensory gifts. The grounding presence of trees, the gentle constancy of flowing water, the unhurried cycles of day and night—these are anchors for our nervous systems. When these natural anchors are disrupted, we feel it. Even without seeing the flames up close or inhaling the smoke, the emotional resonance of environmental crises can leave us agitated, unmoored, and longing for stability.
Co-Regulation Beyond the Human
Research shows that time in nature reduces stress hormones, bolsters nervous system resilience, and fosters emotional equilibrium. But natural disasters, like wildfires, disrupt this essential co-regulation. The destruction of landscapes and ecosystems destabilizes not just our physical environment but also our emotional sense of safety. This destabilization ripples through our relationships, shaking the foundations of our attachments.
Yet, amidst destruction, nature still offers moments of connection. A bird’s song through smoky skies, resilient green shoots breaking through ash—these glimpses of life remind us of the Earth’s enduring presence and our capacity to rebuild.
Practices for Grounding and Recovery
When the Earth feels less like a secure base, intentional practices can help us navigate the overwhelm:
Somatic Grounding: Simple acts like walking barefoot, holding ocean stones, or practicing slow, deliberate breathwork can offer the sensory stability the Earth usually provides.
Energetic Boundaries: Visualizing a protective bubble or imagining roots grounding you to the Earth can shield your nervous system from the collective weight of grief.
Mindful Mourning: Sit with the emotions of grief rather than pushing them away. Practices like journaling, naming big feelings in community to transform isolation into solidarity, or simply allowing tears to flow can help process these feelings.
Acts of Repair: Every small gesture—sharing native seeds, restoring a trail, or supporting recovery efforts—becomes a sacred act of healing, both for the Earth and for ourselves.
Ceremony and Ritual: Incorporating rituals of gratitude for the Earth—whether through personal ceremonies or community gatherings—fosters emotional repair and reinforces the Earth’s role as a secure base.
Grief as a Portal
Grieving the Earth is not a sign of despair but of love. It reflects our sacred connection to the planet and to each other. In acknowledging our pain, we open the door to healing and renewal. Facing these emotions allows us to honor our attachment needs, envisioning a world where our relationships—with the Earth, with ourselves, and with others—are more intentional and restorative.
Grief resources from a dear friend & plant medicine facilitator who I have the honor of sitting with in a grandmother ceremony later this month: Books to Support you in Grief, Loss and Healing in the Wake of Big Change
As we navigate this collective trauma, we can draw inspiration from the wisdom of non-monogamy. Just as non-monogamy emphasizes interconnectedness and mutual support among partners and metamours, we can reimagine ourselves as part of an interdependent ecological system. Environmental psychology research reveals that embracing this perspective fosters interdependence, helping to reduce the isolation and scarcity mindset often magnified during crises. In the same way that relational flexibility, repair, and mutuality strengthen non-monogamous relationships, these principles can guide us in reconnecting with the Earth. Each act of care and every small step toward ecological restoration rebuilds trust, deepens our capacity to hold complexity, and affirms our place within an interdependent world.
Interconnected Resilience
Reimagining the Earth as part of our relational ecosystem shifts how we respond to its suffering. Resilience becomes a collective act, rooted in nurturing our connection to the planet and each other. Through consistent care, we cultivate security, reciprocity, and a deeper bond with the natural world.
Ecosexuality invites us to see the Earth not only as a secure base but as a partner deserving care, reverence, and mutuality. This perspective transforms our relationship with nature from one of exploitation to one of respect and repair.
As Jessica Fern notes, “In the US, many people have a dismissive attachment to the Earth, cutting off the intimacy and wisdom it offers.” By reclaiming this intimacy, we can transition from environmental exploitation to stewardship. Seeing the Earth as part of our relational web helps heal the rupture caused by ecological crises, restores our sense of belonging, and strengthens our resilience in uncertain times. This shift—from seeing the Earth as a resource to embracing it as part of our relational web—could be the key to fostering resilience and hope amidst the uncertainties of environmental collapse.
Work with me: I help individuals, couples and polycules develop the essential tools, skills and frameworks to practice non-monogamy and polyamory with more confidence and capacity. If you need more support, explore working together. My group coaching program, Nourishing Non-Monogamy, reopens this spring.
Love Outside The Box:
Come Share Stories with Me Next Month in Oakland, CA!
On Tuesday February 11th, we’ll gather at a private venue to swap non-traditional Valentine’s Day stories celebrating the freedom to explore relationships that defy traditional norms.
