Expressing Resentment Without Compromising Connection

Balancing emotional honesty while respecting your partner's autonomy

Auguste Toulmouche’s 1866 painting The Hesitant Fiancée

Question from a reader:

“How do I express resentment without asking my partner to change their behavior? The feeling is real but often comes from fear, and while I support what they’re doing, I still want to name the resentment so it doesn’t grow. How do I hold space for both my feelings and their choices?”

Dear reader,

One of the most challenging aspects of navigating emotions in a relationship—particularly in non-monogamous or open dynamics—can be reconciling feelings of resentment with the desire to support a partner’s choices. You might find yourself in a position where you feel deep emotional discomfort, but at the same time, you know that the reality you’re facing doesn’t necessarily warrant your partner changing their behavior. It’s this dance between acknowledging the emotion and accepting the broader truth that makes relationships so nuanced.

Here’s where it gets complicated: the feeling of resentment is real, but the reality…