Disclosure Dilemmas: Balancing Honesty, Boundaries, and Emotional Reactions in Non-Monogamy

Strategies for navigating partner reactions to transparency while maintaining authenticity and mutual respect

Today’s article is a Q&A from a reader exploring one of the trickiest aspects of non-monogamous relationships: navigating disclosure when their partner’s emotions run high hearing about their interactions with others. Let’s dive into some strategies for fostering honesty, setting boundaries, and addressing emotional reactions in non-monogamous relationships that might help this reader—and anyone in a similar dilemma—find clarity and balance.

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Dear Aria,
Can you offer some approaches to properly address this scenario: My partner wants to know the details of my time with others, yet gets upset EVERY SINGLE TIME when I provide honest responses. She will say she wants to know about other relationships, but then pushes for monogamy between her and I (even though she lives in home with boyfriend)... How do I frame the conversation to provide the best opportunity for resolution? To me, resolution is whatever path is less emotional or troublesome for her.

- Peacekeeper Seeking Transparency

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Dear PSP,

It sounds like you’re navigating a deeply challenging and tender situation. On one hand, your partner’s expressed desires for transparency and curiosity about your other relationships reflect an openness and care for understanding your life. On the other hand, her emotional reactions when you share may leave you feeling stuck, confused, and perhaps even disheartened. It’s clear that you care deeply about reducing her distress while also staying true to yourself. It also sounds like you’ve reached a point where the current approach isn’t working, and you’re seeking a way forward that honors both of your emotional needs.

Here are eleven compassionate and practical ideas to unpack this complex situation: