5 Essential Questions to Navigate Power Dynamics When a Couple Dates Another Couple or a Solo Poly Person

Communication in triad and quad relationships: What to discuss openly now, to avoid hurt feelings later

STARTING THIS THURSDAY 10/10: Come gather with like-minded community in OAKLAND, CA as part of my new monthly event series, Courageous Conversations. We’ll explore monthly themes about the many facets of non-monogamy and polyamory through the power of storytelling. Private venue near Jack London! Save the date for the next two events in this series, in partnership with Plura: Nov 14 & Dec 12.

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Today’s article is a response to this question from one of my coaching clients:

"Being a couple dating a couple...or a couple dating a solo poly person...curious to learn more about these dynamics?"

In non-monogamy, power dynamics can shift based on how individuals relate to one another, how time and energy are shared, and even how much of a say each person has in the decisions that affect the relationship(s). When it comes to a couple dating a couple, or a couple dating a solo polyamorous person, several unique dynamics can come into play.

First, it’s important to remember that there are many different approaches to non-monogamy. Some people practice it as a lifestyle, others as an experiment, and for many, it’s an ongoing orientation or practice. Each of these approaches impacts how you navigate power dynamics and connection. Before a couple starts dating another couple or a solo polyamorous person, it’s essential to understand how these dynamics can influence everyone’s experience and feelings, and get clear on hierarchy, agreements, boundaries, capacity, preferences, and more.

Here are five essential questions to discuss openly with the other couple or solo poly person now, to avoid hurt feelings later: