15 Tips to Feel More Secure When Your Partner is On a Date with Someone Else

Mindset shifts, self-regulation strategies, and emotional reframing that help build long-term security

Le Rêve, Picasso, 1932

For most of us, it’s not easy to feel completely calm when your partner is out on a date with someone else. Even the most confident and self-assured among us can feel a mix of excitement, anxiety, and insecurity in these moments. Rather than seeing these emotions as signs that non-monogamy isn’t “working” for you, consider them invitations — to deepen your self-awareness, expand your capacity for love, and build your resilience.

And in 2025, this work is even harder. When the world feels like it’s on fire (sometimes literally), it makes sense that your nervous system might feel a little more tender than usual. The compounding existential stress of climate crisis, political upheaval, ongoing conflicts, economic uncertainty, and the relentless pace of life can shrink your window of tolerance — the space where you’re able to stay regulated, flexible, and responsive, rather than reactive.

This means that even if you intellectually know you’re safe and secure in your relationship, your body might be responding to stress signals outside of your control. This is completely normal. It’s not a personal failing — it’s a reflection of the times we’re living in.

So if you’re feeling more activated when your partner is on a date (or even just thinking about it), know that you’re not alone. It’s not just about you and your relationship — it’s about being a human trying to find steadiness inside a chaotic world.

That’s why I created Nourishing Non-Monogamy — a 12-week online space to practice these skills together, so you don’t have to navigate all this alone. If you’re craving more tools to support your nervous system, more community care, and more grounded ways to meet the complexity of non-monogamy, there’s still time to join this round (registration closes Friday). And if money is a barrier, I’ve held a few scholarship spots and extended payment plans because I want this work to feel accessible. Just reach out. 💛

In the meantime, dig into the strategies below that you can start practicing today to help you feel more secure, grounded, and connected to yourself.